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🎙️ When Identity Gets in the Way of Letting Go
Hey friend, welcome back to Running to Myself. I’m Trisha Stanton, and today we’re talking about something really personal: our beliefs about identity.
I am going to share something with you that feels almost like a confession. It’s about a relationship I’ve been in for nearly twenty years. It shaped who I am, gave me community, taught me resilience, and became part of my identity. But I think I need to let it go.
And saying that out loud makes my hands sweat a little.
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The relationship is running.
I’ve been a runner since 2008. Running and I started out in the most unlikely way, but over time our relationship became something steady and life-giving. I ran races. I ran marathons. I even ran ultramarathons—three 50Ks. Running taught me discipline, endurance, and how to push past limits. I was hooked on the endorphin rush, the meditative rhythm of my feet on the pavement, and the way my whole world seemed clearer after a long run.
Running became more than something I did. It became who I was. I was a runner.
But somewhere along the way, things started to shift.
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Several years ago, I began noticing pain. Not while I was running, but when I was sitting. Long car rides became uncomfortable. If I had logged a lot of miles that week, I could count on my shooting pain down my left leg as soon as I sat still.
I did all the things to diagnose and fix the problem. I went to physical therapy. I stretched. I faithfully did the PT exercises. I had massage, electrical stimulation and dry needling. I tried all the things. But nothing really made a difference except one thing: running less.
And I made that trade-off willingly. Running gave me so much that I was willing to carry the cost of discomfort in other parts of my life.
But then something unexpected happened. I started strength training.
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I’ll be honest, at first, I hated the gym. Lifting weights felt foreign and uncomfortable. It wasn’t fun like running. But I stuck with it. And now, nearly a year in, I can say I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.
And here’s the surprising part: I feel better after the gym than I ever did after running. Running felt amazing while I was doing it, but afterward, I was tired, sometimes drained for the rest of the day. Strength training is the opposite—it’s exhausting in the moment, and if I’m really honest, I kind of dread it before, but afterward, I can jump right back into my day with energy.
That contrast got my attention.
Then came the Texas summer heat. For the first time since moving here, I couldn’t seem to acclimate. Running in the heat felt more like punishment than joy. And I started to wonder: maybe my body is telling me something. Maybe this isn’t the season for running. My miles quietly dwindled down to nothing
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I would go about my life for a couple of weeks not thinking about it and then a wave of nostalgia would come and knock me down.
Nothing stirs up my longing for running like a conversation with another runner. Or seeing someone my age discover their love for it. Or just seeing someone out for a run. Suddenly, I’m nostalgic. I get envious. I think about the freedom of those early morning runs, the adrenaline of race day, the pride of crossing finish lines.
And like an old relationship, I start to downplay the negatives. I think, It wasn’t that bad. Maybe I should just lace up again. Maybe I can push through.
But the truth is, I don’t feel the same. The relationship that once gave me life now sometimes takes more than it gives.
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I felt like I was in the middle of an Identity Crisis
That’s where the real struggle has been: identity.
If I’m not running, who am I?
For so long, “runner” has been a label I wore proudly. It made me feel strong, accomplished, and resilient. Taking that label off feels like losing a piece of myself. And yet, deep down, I know it’s not true.
I am not my label. Running is something I’ve done. It’s not the fullness of who I am.
But letting go of an identity is hard. It feels like quitting. It feels like failing. It feels like missing out. And yet, maybe it’s actually growth.
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What I’ve come to realize is that releasing the label of “runner” doesn’t diminish me. It actually brings me closer to myself, because it allows me to embrace who I am today.
The truth is, I’ve never been as physically healthy as I am right now. I eat better than I ever have. I’m strong. I’m consistent. I’m building the kind of health that women my age need for the long term. Running gave me so much, but it’s okay to acknowledge that right now, strength training and rest are giving me more.
And maybe you’ve been there, too. Holding onto a role, a label, or a relationship long after it stopped serving you—because you weren’t sure who you’d be without it.
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So what do we do when our identity gets tangled up in what we do?
I want to give you three questions that have helped me. But instead of just listing them, let’s take a little more time with each one—because these are the kinds of questions that don’t just change your mindset in the moment, they can change how you live.
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Question #1 Is this identity still serving me in this season?
Here’s what I mean by that: sometimes we hold onto an identity because it did serve us once. Running made me strong, resilient, and focused. It taught me to push past limits, and in many ways, it saved me during difficult seasons of life.
But what was once life-giving can, over time, become life-draining. That doesn’t make it bad. It just means it had a season.
Think about it like clothing. You can have a favorite jacket that fits perfectly for years, but eventually, it might not fit anymore. You don’t throw it away angrily—you acknowledge that it was right for a time, but not forever.
💡 Here’s a prompt for Reflection: Ask yourself, “If I weren’t afraid of change, would I still choose this identity today?”
If the honest answer is no, then maybe it’s time to let it be part of your past, not your present.
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Question #2 What story am I telling myself about letting this go?
This is where so much of the inner drama comes from—not in the letting go, but in the story we attach to it.
When I thought about not running, I told myself stories like:
* “If I stop, I’m a quitter.”
* “If I stop, I’ll lose who I am.”
* “If I stop, I’ll miss out on the community, the pride, the races.”
Those stories kept me stuck. But here’s the truth: I’m not a quitter. I’m making a choice that prioritizes my health and the life I want to create right now. I’m not losing who I am—I’m finding new parts of myself. And while I may miss some of the old experiences, I’m also opening the door to new ones.
💡 Here’s another prompt for Reflection: Ask yourself, “What am I making this mean about me?”
And then challenge that story. Is it really true? Or is it just a thought that feels true because you’ve repeated it so many times?
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Questions #3 Who am I without this label?
This one is big. And it’s the scariest. Because sometimes our identity label is like a mask that tells the world who we are. Without it, we worry people won’t recognize us—or maybe we won’t recognize ourselves.
But here’s what I’ve discovered: when you take the label off, you’re still whole. You’re still you. In fact, sometimes you’re more you—because you’re not forcing yourself into a box that no longer fits.
When I set aside the label of “runner,” I realized I could embrace the label of “strong.” “Healthy.” “Disciplined.” And honestly, those are even truer for me today.
💡 Here’s your Reflection prompt: If I didn’t have this label, what other words could describe me right now? Write them down. Notice how many of them are still true—or maybe even more true—without the old identity.
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Letting go of an identity doesn’t erase the history. Running will always be part of my story. But it doesn’t have to define me today.
And the same is true for you. The job title. The relationship. The role you’ve carried for years. If it no longer serves you, it’s okay to thank it for what it gave you—and then step into something new.
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So here it is: I’m not running anymore. Maybe that changes down the road. Maybe it doesn’t. But right now, I’m choosing health, strength, and wholeness over a label that no longer fits.
And you know what? The title of this podcast—running to myself—it’s never been more true.
Running to myself was never really about the miles. It was never about races or medals or paces. It has always been about the deeper journey—the one where I strip away the roles, the labels, the expectations—and find out who I really am underneath it all.
Letting go of the identity of “runner” doesn’t mean I’m walking away from myself. It means I’m running toward myself even more fully. Toward the version of me that is present in this season. The version that chooses strength, health, wisdom, and alignment with what’s true now.
And that’s what I want for you too. Maybe the old label you’ve been holding onto is ready to be released. Maybe it’s time to run—not back to who you used to be, but forward into who you’re becoming.
Thanks for spending this time with me today. If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to share this episode with someone who might need it. And remember: you are not your label—you are so much more.
Until next time, keep running to yourself.
