Episode 63: Releasing Expectations: A Better Way to Experience the Holidays

November 10, 2025

💬 Episode Summary

We go into the holiday season hoping for joy, peace, and connection — but often end up feeling stressed, disappointed, or frustrated instead. Why? Because behind our holiday “hopes” often live hidden expectations.

In this heartfelt episode, Trisha shares what happens when we let go of those expectations — of our loved ones, of ourselves, and of what the holidays “should” look like — and instead choose connection over control.

Through real stories, relatable moments, and a powerful reflection on what she calls “the emotional scorecard,” Trisha invites you to release the mental scripts that keep you stuck in frustration and discover the peace that comes when you simply allow people (and moments) to be what they are.

🪞 Key Takeaways

We all carry invisible holiday scripts — expectations of how others should act, respond, or feel.
Disappointment isn’t caused by people — it’s caused by the gap between expectation and reality.
The “emotional scorecard” keeps us stuck in resentment and comparison.
Love given with conditions is exhausting; love given freely creates peace.
Releasing expectations opens the door to connection, gratitude, and joy that lasts.

💭 Reflection Questions

1️⃣ Who are you silently expecting to act differently this holiday season?
2️⃣ How would it feel to love them exactly as they are, without trying to manage or fix them?
3️⃣ What would happen if you set down your invisible scorecard and simply chose presence over perfection?

🌿 Try This

Before your next family gathering, take a few minutes to write down what you’re expecting from others.
Then ask yourself, “Is this something I can control?”
If not, practice releasing it — and replace it with a prayer like:

“God, help me love them as they are, not as I wish they were.”

✨ Favorite Quotes

“You can’t be curious and controlling at the same time.”
“Unspoken expectations often turn into silent resentments.”
“Keeping score never leads to connection — it leads to exhaustion.”
“The holiday you’re actually in can be just as sacred as the one you imagined.”

🙏 Faith Reflection

Even God doesn’t control how others show up — He invites, but never forces.
When we follow His example, we find peace.
Loving others freely means trusting that grace is more powerful than expectation.

📣 Call to Action

If this episode spoke to your heart, share it with someone who might need a little more peace this holiday season.

And if you’re ready to build a mindset that brings more calm, connection, and joy to your everyday life — let’s talk.
You can schedule a free consultation with Trisha at trishastanton.com.

Because peace doesn’t come from everyone else changing —
it comes from you choosing to release, receive, and rest. 💛

Episode Transcript

🎙️ Running to Myself
Episode Title: Releasing Expectations: A Better Way to Experience the Holidays
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INTRO
Hey friend, welcome back to Running to Myself.
I’m Trisha Stanton — life coach, wife, mom, grandma, and someone who loves this time of year… mostly.
The holidays can be beautiful — full of warmth, tradition, and connection — but they can also be complicated.
Every year, we go in with hopes for how it will look.
We picture the perfect gatherings, everyone getting along, full hearts, cozy moments, meaningful conversations.
And then reality shows up.
Someone’s late.
Someone’s in a mood.
Someone brings up the topic you swore was off-limits.
And suddenly the joy you wanted to feel is replaced with frustration, disappointment, and sometimes even regret.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
It’s not the people or the plans that rob our joy — it’s our expectations of how they should be.
So today we’re going to talk about releasing expectations of our loved ones during the holidays,
why it matters,
and how doing so can actually create more connection and peace than trying to control how everyone shows up.
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SEGMENT 1: WHY EXPECTATIONS FEEL SO HEAVY
Let’s start here — expectations are natural.
We all have them.
We build them from years of traditions, memories, or even movies. I’m looking at YOU, Hallmark Channel!
We imagine how things should go.
We think, this year will be different, or everyone will be happy, or we’ll finally have that “normal” family moment I’ve been hoping for.
But expectations are really just prewritten stories in our minds.
They’re the mental scripts we hand to people — often without realizing it — and then we feel hurt when they don’t read their lines correctly.
And it’s not because they’re trying to disappoint us.
It’s because they have their own stories, their own emotions, their own ways of showing up.
So when we walk into the holidays clinging tightly to how we think it should look,
we set ourselves up for disappointment — not because people failed us,
but because reality didn’t match the story we wrote in our head.
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SEGMENT 2: A PERSONAL STORY
I have had my share of holiday seasons that didn’t go the way I expected — not even close.
One in particular that I remember, I had everything planned out beautifully.
The decorations were up early, the menu was set, gifts were wrapped, music was playing.
I had visions of laughter, connection, and peaceful moments with my family.
But that’s not how it went.
Someone was distant. Someone was late.
Someone else was struggling emotionally.
There was tension in the air — unspoken but heavy.
I remember standing in the kitchen, music playing softly in the background, feeling like the joy had been sucked out of the room.
And then this quiet thought came to me:
“ you’re trying to experience the holiday you imagined instead of the one you’re actually in.”
That was the moment I realized my disappointment wasn’t about what was happening.
It was about what I expected to happen.
I was missing what was real because I was too attached to what was ideal.
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SEGMENT 3: HOW EXPECTATIONS CREATE DISTANCE
Here’s the sneaky thing about expectations — they sound harmless.
We tell ourselves, “I just want everyone to be happy.”
But beneath that, what we often mean is, “I want everyone to behave in ways that make me feel happy.”
It’s human, but it’s also limiting.
Because when we expect others to think, act, or feel the way we want them to, we stop seeing them.
We see a version of them we’re trying to manage.
And the moment we start managing people, we lose connection with them.
You can’t be curious and controlling at the same time.
You can’t be loving and demanding at the same time.
And you can’t be fully present with someone when you’re busy being disappointed by who they aren’t.
Releasing expectations doesn’t mean lowering standards or not caring.
It means choosing connection over control.
It’s saying: “I want to love the people in front of me more than the story I told myself about how they should be.”
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SEGMENT 4: THE COST OF CLINGING TO EXPECTATIONS (Expanded)
So what happens when we don’t release expectations?
We start keeping score.
Not on paper, but in our hearts.
It’s subtle at first. We tell ourselves we’re just noticing. We can’t help but notice…
Who showed up early.
Who offered to help.
Who said thank you.
Who didn’t.
And slowly, without realizing it, the holiday turns into a quiet emotional scorecard.
We track the words, the tone, the effort, the energy.
We measure whether people did what we hoped — or if they disappointed us again.
And we assign silent points:
* “She didn’t call until Christmas afternoon — minus two.”

* “He actually helped clean up — plus one.”

* “No one noticed all the work I put in — minus ten.”

And by the end of the day, we don’t feel connected; we feel exhausted.
Because keeping score is emotional labor — and it’s labor that never leads to love.
The truth is, the emotional scorecard always guarantees one outcome: someone loses.
Sometimes it’s them… but most often, it’s you.
Because every tally of what’s missing blinds you to what’s actually there.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
There have been holidays where I’ve smiled through gritted teeth, feeling quietly resentful that no one seemed to notice my effort.
That I was the one holding it all together — the food, the gifts, the schedule, the emotions — and yet, somehow, no one said thank you.
And here’s what I realized later: I wasn’t giving freely; I was giving to get.
To get appreciation.
To get validation.
To get proof that I mattered.
But love given as a transaction will always leave you bankrupt.
When we attach expectation to every gesture —
“I’ll cook, if they appreciate it.”
“I’ll plan, if they participate.”
“I’ll show up, if they show gratitude.” —
we stop experiencing love as a gift and start treating it like a contract.
And contracts don’t create connection — they create tension.
So if you catch yourself silently tallying this holiday season, it’s okay.
You’re not broken; you’re just human.
Your brain is trying to find fairness in an unfair world.
But love isn’t about fairness — it’s about freedom.
When you choose to release the scorecard, you make space for grace.
You free yourself to love people as they are, not as they “should” be.
You can appreciate the small, imperfect moments instead of resenting what’s missing.
And here’s the irony:
When you stop keeping score, you often end up receiving more — because your heart is finally open to noticing it.
So this year, if you feel yourself reaching for that invisible scorecard,
set it down.
Remind yourself that love isn’t a tally — it’s a choice.
A daily, messy, holy choice to see the good, to give freely, and to stay present.
Because peace doesn’t come from people doing it “right.”
It comes from you deciding to stop measuring — and just be there.
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SEGMENT 5: FAITH REFLECTION — GOD AND EXPECTATION
From a faith perspective, I’ve realized this:
Even God gives people free will.
He invites, but He doesn’t force.
If He allows others to show up as they are,
who am I to think I should manage or control them into who I think they should be?
Loving others well means letting go of the idea that they have to behave a certain way for us to feel okay.
It’s trusting that love itself — not control — changes hearts.
When I started praying, “God, help me love them as they are, not as I wish they were,”
the entire atmosphere shifted.
I became calmer. Kinder.
Less reactive.
And more grateful for what was, instead of grieving what wasn’t.
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SEGMENT 6: PRACTICAL WAYS TO RELEASE EXPECTATIONS
Alright — let’s make this practical.
Here are five ways you can start releasing expectations this holiday season so you can actually enjoy it.
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🎁 Step 1: Get Honest About What You’re Expecting
Before the holiday begins, take five minutes to write down your unspoken expectations.
Who do you wish would act differently?
What do you hope will happen?
What are you afraid will go wrong?
Naming it helps you see where you’ve handed people invisible scripts they didn’t agree to.
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💭 Step 2: Ask “Why Does This Matter So Much?”
Behind every expectation is a feeling you’re chasing — belonging, appreciation, peace.
When you identify the feeling you want, you can create it for yourself instead of depending on others to deliver it.
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🕊️ Step 3: Let People Be Where They Are
This might be the hardest one — but also the most freeing.
You don’t have to fix their mood, change their choices, or make them enjoy the day.
Your job isn’t to manage everyone’s experience — it’s to manage your own mind and heart.
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💡 Step 4: Look for What’s True, Not What’s Missing
Every time your brain says, “It shouldn’t be like this,”
gently remind yourself, “But this is what it’s like.”
And from there, choose gratitude.
Gratitude doesn’t erase disappointment — it widens your perspective.
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💞 Step 5: Choose Connection Over Perfection
This year, let go of trying to make the holiday “perfect.”
Perfection is sterile.
Connection is alive.
If the turkey burns, laugh.
If someone is distant, pray for them.
If plans change, breathe and pivot.
Because the memories you’ll cherish most aren’t the ones that went perfectly — they’re the ones that were real.
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SEGMENT 7: A NEW WAY TO EXPERIENCE THE HOLIDAYS
What if this year, instead of striving for a picture-perfect holiday,
you went into the season with open hands and an open heart?
What if your goal wasn’t to make everyone happy,
but to stay grounded in peace no matter what unfolds?
Imagine walking away from the holiday not with regret or resentment,
but with gratitude — because you showed up fully as yourself,
and let everyone else do the same.
That’s what it means to release expectations.
That’s how connection grows.
And that’s where joy truly lives.
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SEGMENT 8: CLOSING ENCOURAGEMENT
Friend, this season doesn’t have to drain you.
It can refresh you.
It can remind you that love isn’t about controlling outcomes — it’s about being present in the moments that actually happen.
You can’t control who shows up or how they act.
But you can control how you think, how you feel, and how you love.
So as you walk into the holidays this year, try this simple prayer:
“God, help me release my expectations,
and receive whatever You have for me instead.”
It might not look like the holiday you planned —
but it might just be the one your heart needs. 💛
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SOFT CALL TO ACTION
If today’s message encouraged you, share it with a friend who might need a little more peace this season.
And if you want help learning how to release expectations — not just during the holidays, but in everyday relationships — I’d love to work with you.
You can book a free consultation at trishastanton.com.
Because peace doesn’t come from everyone else changing.
It comes from learning how to let go — and love anyway.