Hey friend, welcome back to Running to Myself.
I’m Trisha Stanton, life and mindset coach, former teacher, trail runner, wife, mom, and grandma.
Around here, we talk about the real moments of life, the thoughts that shape them, and the choices that help us feel grounded and connected — especially during seasons that can feel heavy or complicated.
And that brings us to today.
If the weeks leading up to Christmas and New Year’s have felt stressful or overwhelming — either this year or in years past — this episode is for you.
Today, I’m sharing five practical tools to increase your joy and decrease your stress through the rest of the season.
This is your chance to take the pressure off, shift your perspective, and create a holiday you actually enjoy — from the inside out.
So let’s begin with one guiding question, a question that has the power to transform your holiday mindset:
What do you want to create?
And what words describe how you want to feel?
Let’s walk through these tools one by one.
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TOOL #1 — Know What You Want to Create
A better holiday experience starts with clarity — knowing what you want to create, not what you think you “should” create.
If you’re a visual person like me, you might picture a certain table, certain people, certain sounds, certain moments.
This picture may come from childhood memories…
or from what you wish childhood had felt like…
or from the simpler years when your own kids were younger.
These images are powerful.
And whether they bring warmth or longing — they come from your thoughts.
Here’s the part to really hear:
You want the picture-perfect holiday because of how you THINK it will make you feel.
Our thoughts create our feelings.
And whether we admit it or not, we behave based on how we feel.
The good news?
You don’t need the “perfect scene” to feel the feelings you want.
You can create those feelings with your thoughts, right here and right now.
So ask yourself again:
What do I want to create?
How do I want to feel?
If I had to choose just ONE feeling… which one matters most?
Let me give you an example from my own life.
This is the ninth year in a row that our whole family will not be together on the same day for Christmas.
My picture-perfect vision? All of us around the table, laughing, sharing stories, playing games.
That picture hasn’t been available to me for nearly a decade.
But here’s what I learned through years of coaching:
My picture of all of us together represents one core feeling: Connection.
And connection does not depend on us physically being in the same room.
I create connection through my thoughts — the thoughts I intentionally choose about my family, no matter where they are.
And that has set me free.
Because the reality is:
Our adult kids have full lives, responsibilities, partners, and other families to consider.
Schedules get complicated.
And sometimes they don’t want to hang out for as long as we want them to.
If my joy depends on them behaving exactly as I imagine…
disappointment will follow me everywhere.
But if I choose connection ahead of time?
I get to feel connected whether we’re all together… or not.
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TOOL #2 — Create Your Own Joy
This one is big.
I wish I had learned it decades ago:
Your joy is yours to create. It’s never someone else’s job.
If something matters to you — and it’s within your control — go make it happen.
If you want a holiday bouquet on the table? Buy the flowers.
If you want cozy lights on in the evenings? Plug them in.
If you want a special dessert? Make it or pick it up.
Don’t outsource your joy to someone else — and then feel disappointed when they don’t read your mind.
Here’s the second part of this tool… and it’s tender:
When you do something “for others” but secretly hope they respond in a certain way — that’s not actually for them.
That’s you trying to create your own feelings through their reaction.
And they have no idea.
This is where so much holiday resentment is born.
You do the cooking… or decorating… or planning…
Not with joy in the doing, but with pressure for a certain response.
And when the response doesn’t come? Hurt and frustration follow.
You can stop that cycle today.
Choose joy on purpose.
Own your choices.
Do the things you want — and release the need for validation.
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TOOL #3 — Constrain Your Focus to Be More Present and Less Overwhelmed
This is my secret to creating a meaningful holiday without drowning in tasks:
I do what I need to create the holiday spirit for myself — and not one thing more.
Some years, the whole house gets decorated.
Other years, I stop halfway and say, “This feels like Christmas enough.”
The moment the decorating stops bringing joy and starts bringing stress? I stop.
Being present requires boundaries — even with traditions.
Once I released the pressure to match past holidays or some idealized version of Christmas, I discovered what I actually enjoy… and I let go of the rest.
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TOOL #4 — Just Say No: Expectations Are Not Obligations
This one is a game changer.
You don’t “have to” do half of what your brain tells you you have to do.
Expectations from the past or expectations from others do not automatically equal obligations for you today.
If you want to say yes to everything because it lights you up — beautiful.
But if you’re already thinking of three things you dread?
It’s time to ask why you’re still doing them.
Do you like your reason?
Does it align with the holiday you want to create?
Or is it coming from guilt, pressure, or fear of disappointing someone?
And yes — saying no may be uncomfortable at first.
But staying overwhelmed is uncomfortable too.
Only one of those choices leads to relief.
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TOOL #5 — Commit to Accepting Your People as They Are
By the time you reach this tool, something shifts:
You’ve already done the thought work to create how you want to feel.
Your joy is not dependent on anyone else’s behavior.
And that frees you to love your people exactly as they are.
No fixing.
No managing.
No scripting the day in your head.
Just presence.
Just gratitude.
Just enough space for every person to be human.
Imagine walking into Christmas with zero pressure for anyone to perform or behave a certain way.
Imagine loving them exactly as they show up — even if it’s chaotic… or imperfect… or simply different from what you pictured.
That kind of acceptance changes everything.
Because when you let people be who they are, you finally get to enjoy them.
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REVIEW
Here are your five tools to decrease stress and increase joy:
1. Know what you want to create — specifically, how you want to feel.
2. Create your own joy — stop waiting for someone else to hand it to you.
3. Constrain your focus — do what matters, drop the rest.
4. Just say no — expectations are not obligations.
5. Commit to accepting your people as they are — and love them from there.
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Thank you so much for joining me today.
I hope these tools help you create a holiday you genuinely enjoy — one filled with the feelings you choose on purpose.
Friend, you get to decide what you want to feel this Christmas — and you’re capable of creating it, no matter what the circumstances are.
If this episode made you breathe a little easier or gave you something helpful to carry into the next few weeks, I’d love for you to follow the show so you never miss an episode. And feel free to share it with anyone who might need this reminder.
I’ll see you next time.
And in the meantime… choose joy, take a deep breath, and give yourself permission to have a Merry Christmas — no matter what.
