Title: When Wanting It Too Much Is the Problem
Subtitle: How Overdesire Quietly Sabotages Your Goals
Intro
Hey friend.
Welcome back to Running to Myself. I’m your host, Trisha Stanton.
Today we’re talking about something that often sneaks up on us when we are trying to create change in our life. And suddenly this area of our life feels hard again.
Sometimes the “hard again” shows up in relationships.
Sometimes it shows up in health goals.
Sometimes it shows up in spending habits.
Sometimes it shows up in alcohol.
Sometimes it shows up in productivity or scrolling or saying yes when you meant no.
And it sounds like this:
“I just want to enjoy my life.”
“I deserve a treat once in a while.”
“I don’t want to miss out.”
“I don’t want to be different.”
“Just this once…”
What do these thoughts have in common?
Two things.
One — they are often the exact thoughts clients share with me when they are on the edge of abandoning making the choice that best supports them or a goal they have set for themselves.
And two — these thoughts create something called overdesire.
Today we’re looking at why people abandon goals, why willpower alone rarely works, and how overdesire becomes a subtle form of self-sabotage that is often misunderstood.
And more importantly — how to interrupt it.
My Marathon Broke the Mold
I used to be someone who started things and didn’t finish them.
Same New Year’s resolutions.
Same goals.
Same intentions.
Different calendar year.
And honestly? It didn’t even bother me that much. I just told myself, “I’m not really someone who follows through.” I have a short attention span. It doesn’t really matter that much.
Then I signed up for my first marathon.
And at the time, I couldn’t even run a mile.
Not even close.
There was a voice in my head that said, “How will this be any different from the other things you said you were going to do?”
But this time, it was different.
Looking back, there were many things that contributed to my finally sticking with it this time.
There was built-in community. My husband was signed up. I couldn’t just ghost my training partner because we lived in the same house.
There was money at stake. And listen, I hate to waste money.We had already paid for registration, flights to get there, a hotel stay.
And because I was so completely out of my league, I followed the training plan exactly. I didn’t argue with it. I didn’t tweak it. I didn’t overthink it.
I deferred to expertise.
And through all that, the most remarkable thing happened. That experience broke the mold of what I believed about myself.
It wasn’t about running.
It was about my personal identity.
It was the first time I gathered evidence that I could finish something hard that I had never done before.
And that’s why I don’t accept the story that someone “just can’t follow through.” That’s not an identity. It’s just a thought pattern.
And patterns can change.
But here’s where it gets interesting.
Lack of Belief vs. Overdesire
Most people think quitting happens because:
• They don’t want it enough.
• They aren’t disciplined enough.
• They don’t have enough willpower.
But in coaching, I see something else far more often.
It’s not lack of desire.
It’s overdesire.
And overdesire feels convincing because it disguises itself as justification.
Let’s say your goal is to stop emotional eating.
You have a stressful day.
The thought appears:
“I don’t want to add to my stress by restricting what I eat. I just want to enjoy my life.”
Notice how noble that sounds.
Or maybe you’re trying to reduce drinking.
But you think “I don’t want to miss out.”
Or you’re trying to save money.
But you think “Just this once. I deserve this.”
Or you’re trying to build a business.
But you think “I shouldn’t work 24/7 I just need a break.”
None of those thoughts are evil. They aren’t catastrophic.
But they amplify the reward of the thing you’re trying to avoid.
They inflate it.
They make the cookie, the drink, the purchase, the avoidance, the approval feel bigger, more attractive and more important than it actually is.
And when the brain believes something is highly rewarding, it releases stronger desire signals.
That’s overdesire.
And overdesire increases your focus on that one thing.
It zooms in on short-term relief and blurs out long-term intention.
That is self-sabotage — it does not mean that you are weak, just that you are accidentally magnifying the wrong thing.
What Overdesire Actually Sounds Like
How do you identify overdesire? Here’s something to notice. Overdesire has a tone.
It sounds urgent.
It sounds important.
It sounds emotionally inflated.
It often includes phrases like:
“I need this.”
“It’s not fair.”
“I’ve been good all week.”
“It’s just one.”
“I can start again tomorrow.”
It makes the immediate pleasure feel essential.
But here’s what’s missing in those moments.
The goal.
The future self.
The bigger intention.
Overdesire disconnects you from your why.
Why Willpower Isn’t Enough
Willpower rarely wins the battle against overdesire.
If you rely on willpower alone, you are asking your brain to fight a magnified reward with a thin layer of logic.
That rarely works long term.
Because your brain is wired to move toward what it perceives as rewarding.
So the solution isn’t to “try harder.”
The solution is to stop exaggerating the reward of the thing pulling you off course.
That’s the shift.
How to Identify Overdesire in Real Time
Here are the practical steps to help you make the shift.
Step One: Notice the Justification
Ask yourself:
What am I telling myself right now?
Write it down if you can.
Overdesire thrives in vague thinking. It weakens when named.
Step Two: Strip the Drama
Take your thought and neutralize it.
Instead of:
“I deserve this. It will make the night better.”
Try:
“This will taste good for about five minutes.”
Instead of:
“I’ll miss out.”
Try:
“I will feel a brief moment of inclusion.”
We’re not shaming the desire. We’re resizing it.
Step Three: Zoom Out
Ask:
What result am I creating if I follow this urge?
Not morally. Not dramatically. Factually.
What does tomorrow look like?
What does next week look like?
What identity am I reinforcing?
Step Four: Reconnect to the Goal
Ask:
Why did I choose this goal or make this decision in the first place?
Was it about energy?
Integrity?
Peace?
Confidence?
Financial freedom?
Health?
Clarity?
Let the long-term reward get equal airtime.
Step Five: Create a Balanced Thought
Not a rigid one.
Not “I can never have this.”
Try something like:
“I can have this anytime. I’m choosing not to right now because I want ___ more.”
That restores your ability to choose.
Overdesire feels compulsive and sometimes out of control.
Intentional desire feels grounded.
A Truth Most People Miss
Here’s something most people don’t understand when they are experiencing overdesrie. The thing you are overdesiring is rarely the actual thing you want.
You don’t want the cookie.
You want comfort.
You don’t want the drink.
You want relief.
You don’t want the purchase.
You want a hit of significance or novelty.
When you identify the real desire underneath, you gain options.
And options reduce sabotage.
Bringing It Back to the Marathon
During marathon training, there were dozens of days I did not want to run. In fact, I dreaded most of the runs.
But I didn’t tell myself dramatic stories about how amazing skipping the run would be.
I kept it simple.
“This is part of the plan.”
“I don’t have to feel like it.”
“I just need to run today’s miles.”
There was no overdesire around skipping. I didn’t glorify it.
And that’s key.
When you stop romanticizing the alternative, your goals become much easier to sustain.
Closing
If you are someone who has quit before — welcome to being human.
It’s not a flaw. But it may be a pattern.
And you can change the pattern. if you begin watching for overdesire — if you begin noticing when your brain is inflating the very thing pulling you off course — everything starts to shift.
You are not weak.
You are not undisciplined.
You are just believing exaggerated thoughts in moments that matter.
And this is great news because:
You can learn to see them.
You can learn to shrink them.
You can learn to choose differently.
Just like someone who couldn’t run a mile became someone who finished 26.2.
You can break the cycle of quitting.
You can become someone who keeps your word to yourself.
You can build evidence that changes what you believe about who you are.
And if you want help identifying where overdesire is showing up for you — in your health, your relationships, your habits, your goals — that’s exactly the kind of work I do with clients. Sometimes it’s hard to see the pattern when you’re inside it. You don’t have to figure it out alone.
For now, just start by noticing.
What are you magnifying?
What are you romanticizing?
And what do you actually want more?
If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone else who may need it as well— also, leaving a review helps more listeners find the show. Thanks for being here and Until next time, keep running to yourself!
