Welcome back to Running to Myself. I’m your host, Trisha Stanton
A few weeks ago I finished a novel that I absolutely loved.
In fact, I think it may end up being my favorite book of the year. If not favorite, definitely top 5.
I'm not going to tell you the title because I don't want to accidentally spoil the ending for anyone. But there was one sentence near the end that has stayed with me.
The sentence was this:
"His decision to live small made him larger than life."
I've thought about that sentence almost every day since I read it.
The main character in the book had spent the early part of his life pursuing things many people would consider significant. Achievement. Recognition. Influence. The kinds of things that get noticed. Over time he achieved them all.
But in his later years, the years the story centered on, he stepped away from all of that.
Instead, he focused on the people right in front of him.
The people in his neighborhood.
The people in the little town where he lived.
The people he encountered in ordinary moments.
And what made the story so beautiful was the way in which the author weaved these seemingly small personal interactions into an incredible story where the reader could witness the ripple effect that went far beyond the main character.
His impact became meaningful not because he reached more people.
His impact became meaningful because of how he loved the people right there in front of him in ordinary life. And because it was a novel, of course each of those people had a hidden hurt that others didn’t know about. Now that I think about it, that rings pretty true in real life as well.
"His decision to live small made him larger than life”, ever since reading that line in the epilogue, I've been thinking about it. Thinking about how it could apply to my ordinary, everyday life. Challenging myself to pay attention to what and who is right in front of me. What if it’s true?
What if the biggest impact we make comes through the smallest things we do?
What if the things we dismiss as ordinary are actually the things that matter most?
Let's be honest.
Most of us don't spend our days making headline worthy decisions.
Most of us spend our days answering or ignoring texts.
Having conversations.
Running errands.
Working.
Cooking dinner.
Responding to interruptions.
Navigating relationships.
Showing up for another ordinary Tuesday.
And because these moments seem small, mundane, insignificant, it’s easy to overlook them.
But what if those moments are actually where our lives are being built?
What if our legacy is formed in the everyday interactions that nobody else notices?
Those are some of the thoughts that have been following me around and challenging me.
A couple of days ago I had two opportunities that caused me to pause and evaluate my routing daily interactions.
One I handled poorly. That’s the one that caused me to stop and evaluate….and
One I handled well, probably because I had stopped to evaluate my failed interaction.
I'll start with the failure.
I was talking with one of my adult children.
And without really thinking, I said something that I later wish I hadn't said.
Now before you start imagining something terrible, it wasn't mean.
It wasn't harsh.
It wasn't even untrue.
But after the conversation ended, I started replaying it in my mind.
And I realized something.
I didn’t realize it at the moment, but I had been standing at a fork in the road.
One path was a compliment.
The other path was a suggestion.
And I chose the suggestion.
Now if you're a parent, especially a mom of older kids, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about.
Sometimes "suggestion" is just a nicer sounding word for criticism.
Not always.
Sometimes suggestions are needed.
Sometimes guidance is appropriate.
But sometimes what people need most is encouragement.
And as I thought about it, I realized there had been absolutely no reason for me to offer the suggestion.
The moment could have simply been a compliment.
An acknowledgment.
Instead, I inserted my opinion. One that wasn’t asked for or welcomed.
Have you ever done that?
Someone shares something they're excited about.
And before you know it, you're offering advice they didn't ask for.
Or pointing out something they could do differently.
Or improving something that didn't need improving.
I think many of us do it without realizing it.
our intentions are often good.
We want to help.
We want to contribute.
We think we are adding value. Spoiler alert, we’re not.
Oftentimes what people need isn't our expertise.
They simply need our encouragement and love.
They need us to see the good where others don’t, where they don’t see it in themselves.
So later, I apologized.
I told them I regretted leading with the unnecessary suggestion.
And then I offered the compliment I should have given in the first place.
Now, let's be honest, I realize the compliment probably didn't land the same way after the unsolicited advice.
But hopefully the apology mattered.
And more importantly, hopefully it helps me become more aware moving forward.
I genuinely want to be a force of love and positive energy in the lives of the people around me.
Especially the people closest to me.
There is already enough pain in the world.
There are already enough critics.
Enough discouragement.
Enough people pointing out what's wrong.
I don't want to add to that.
I want people to feel lighter after they've been around me.
Not heavier.
I want people to feel seen.
Encouraged.
And Valued.
And the truth is, that takes intention on my part, because left to my default settings, sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my wisdom.
Maybe yours does too.
Managing our thoughts is hard enough.
Managing the words that come out afterward is next level.
But I think it's worth paying attention to.
Because those moments may seem small, but those moments shape relationships.
And relationships shape lives.
Now let me tell you about the second opportunity.
This one went much better.
Something happened that created a pretty significant inconvenience in my day.
Plans got disrupted.
Time got wasted. One thing about me is that I HATE to waste time.
And in this case, things didn't go according to expectations.
And honestly, I had every opportunity to be annoyed.
I could have pointed out the problem.
I could have replayed the inconvenience in my mind over and over.
I could have talked about how inconsiderate the responsible person was.
I could have gathered evidence for why I had every right to be frustrated.
But here's the interesting thing.
The person who would have heard all of that wasn't actually the person responsible.
They were simply the person standing closest to me and they were impacted by this inconvenience as well..
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to hand our frustration to innocent bystanders?
Someone else drops the ball.
And suddenly the people around us have to absorb our irritation.
Our spouse.
Our kids.
Our coworkers.
Our friends.
They become the audience for a problem they didn't create.
But for some reason, this time was different.
And I don't know exactly why.
Maybe all this mindset work is actually working.
Maybe I was simply tired.
Maybe God gave me a moment of clarity.
But this time, I wasn't irritated.
Not outwardly.
And Not inwardly.
I genuinely wasn't bothered.
I accepted that the situation was what it was.
And we moved on.
No dramatic commentary.
No rant.
No passive aggressive body language.
No sighing.
No eye rolling.
No emotional storm.
Just acceptance.
And I have to tell you something.
It felt amazing.
Not because I was being virtuous.
Not because I deserve some sort of award.
It felt amazing because it was peaceful.
It felt light.
It preserved the relationship.
And maybe most importantly, it reminded me that this is possible. It is possible to choose to not be annoyed, to not say something snarky, it is possible to let it go and preserve my peace.
It can be easy to ourselves stories like:
"That's just how I am."
"I can't help it."
"I've always been this way."
"I'll always react like this."
But that's not true.
We are more capable of change than we think.
One different response may not seem like much.
But it becomes evidence that growth is happening, that new patterns are possible, that we don't have to keep reacting the way we've always reacted.
And I don’t know about you, but I need those reminders.
Change in behavior doesn't happen all at once.
It happens one moment at a time.
One interaction.
One conversation.
One decision.
One thought.
It happens one response at a time.
Which brings me back to the sentence in the novel I read.
His decision to live small made him larger than life.
The older I get, the more I'm beginning to believe that significance may not come from doing extraordinary things.
It may come from doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.
Listening well.
Apologizing quickly.
Being patient.
Being present.
Offering encouragement.
Giving people the benefit of the doubt.
Choosing kindness when criticism would be easier.
These actions don't look impressive from the outside. And many of them don’t come naturally for us.
Nobody posts about them.
Nobody gets trophies for them.
But the more I think about it, the more I think they matter so deeply.
In fact, I’m beginning to think they may be the very things that shape the quality of our lives.
In light of this, I've been asking myself a question:
How do people feel after interacting with me?
Not what do they think of me.
Not whether they approve of me.
Not whether they agree with me.
But how do they feel?
Do they feel seen, heard, valued? Or
Do they feel rushed, dismissed, judged?
I’m trying to remember that every interaction leaves something behind.
Every interaction deposits something into a relationship.
Whether- we realize it or not, we're constantly contributing to the emotional climate around us.
One thing I've noticed about myself is that I often feel rushed.
Not because my schedule is uniquely overwhelming.
Honestly, I don't think I'm any busier than most people.
It's more of an internal experience.
It's this constant belief that if I can just finish the next thing, then I'll finally relax.
If I can just check off enough boxes.
If I can just complete enough tasks.
If I can just get caught up.
Then I'll feel peaceful.
The problem is, that never happens.
Because as soon as I finish the list, I start another list.
As soon as I complete the tasks, I create new tasks.
I'm a doer.
A mover.
A problem solver.
Those are some of my strengths until they start costing me connection.
I've been around people who operate from that same constant urgency.
And I’ve noticed that I often leave those interactions feeling unseen.
Like I interrupted their day.
Like their attention was somewhere else.
Like the next thing mattered more than the current moment.
And I don't want to be that person.
I'm not trying to be perfect. But I am trying to remember to live in a way that shows the people in front of me that they matter.
The conversation matters.
The moment matters.
This life we're living right now matters.
maybe that's the invitation for all of us.
To stop waiting for the big moments to make a difference.
To stop overlooking the opportunities sitting right in front of us.
To realize that significance may be hiding inside ordinary Tuesday afternoons.
Inside simple conversations, small acts of kindness, thoughtful responses.
Inside moments where no one is watching.
Perhaps the most meaningful life isn't built through grand gestures, but through thousands of small ones.
One interaction, one relationship, one moment at a time.
And maybe, just like the novel I read, the people who become larger than life are the people who learn to live small on purpose.
Before we wrap up, I want to leave you with a question.
This week, what is one small thing you can do well?
Not something impressive.
Not something that earns applause.
Just one small thing.
One conversation.
One apology.
One encouraging text.
One moment of patience.
One opportunity to make someone else's day a little lighter.
Pay attention to those moments.
And if you've been listening to this podcast for a while and you've found yourself wanting to understand your own patterns more deeply, I want to invite you to join me for something special.
The Mindset Map Collective opens for purchase on June 22.
This is my new six module coaching program designed to help you identify the thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and patterns that are shaping your life.
The small moments that create our lives are driven by the thoughts we think every day.
When we understand those thoughts, we gain the ability to respond differently.
To show up differently.
To create different results.
The Mindset Map Collective will help you learn your patterns so you can lead your life with greater intention.
If you'd like to learn more, make sure you're on my email list at trishastanton.com/signup.
Thank you so much for spending part of your day with me.
And until next time, keep noticing your thoughts, keep choosing intentionally, and keep running your own race.
I'll see you next week.
